Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend about applying systems to his personal life. He said, “I could never do that. Systems take the emotion out of everything!”
Emotions
Emotions are good. They’re good because they’re natural. Even negative emotions — like anger, frustration, and impatience — are natural reactions to our environment. If you inhibit these reactions, then they can bubble up later in unhealthy ways. So I firmly believe: it’s good to feel your feels.
That being said, emotions can be exhausting. Feeling irritable because you didn’t eat breakfast… Feeling stressed because your project is delayed… Feeling annoyed because your spouse forgot to take out the trash… By the end of the day, you’re exhausted and dreading the next day.
So if we can reduce emotion where it doesn’t belong (tasks, projects, chores), then we’ll have more emotional energy for the things that do deserve it (people, relationships, and self-care).
Systems
Systems — concrete processes that can be followed reliably to achieve a desired outcome — can help put emotions in their place.
For instance, to avoid irritability when you forget to eat breakfast, you could devise a weekly meal plan and prep system. Or to avoid stress because your project is delayed, you could devise a task accountability and team communication system. Or to avoid annoyance because your spouse forgot to take out the trash, you could devise a chore chart system or a set of norms for airing grievances.
Systems help reduce unpredictability. For some things (like tasks, projects, and chores), this is great. For other things (like romance and entertainment), it’s not so great. So the trick is deciding which things need systemization and which things don’t.
My suggestion
Use systems to your advantage. Use them to make your life easier and to get things done. Don’t use them to replace or hide your emotions. Your emotions have a healthy, good, and much-needed place in the world.
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Action items:
〉 Make a list of things (tasks, projects, or chores) you’d like to reduce emotion from.
〉 Develop a system for each item on this list.
〉 Make a list of things (relationships, self-care, entertainment) you would NOT like to reduce emotion from.
〉 Do NOT develop a system for each item on that list.